Friends...then...and now...

Picture taken in Aug 2001
[ School gang : Mani, Kavita, Subha, me, Archu, Prasanna and Tina]

How important are friends ? Well, they have always be an integral part in my life cos I never had any siblings. My definition of a friend has evolved over years. Its strange that as years roll on, it becomes harder and harder to make a good friend. It is hard to find anyone with whom your thoughts match. I would go to the extent of saying that it is difficult to even have a meaningful conversation with anyone these days !

It was so easy to make friends when I was a kid. My friend in kindergarden was probably any one next to me though I don't really remember any of them now. In fact, I don't even recall being in kindergarden hehehe. My oldest memory of a friend is probably in 3rd or 4th std. Her name was Harmit Kaur and all I can recall is that we used to fight with each other with pencils ! Then there was a girl called P.V. Sheetal in 5th std. I have no clue as to where these girls are now and what they are doing with their lives. It would be fun to meet them and talk about the past. By now, my requirements for a friend was becoming more concrete. A friend was anyone with whom I can have fun :-) and this holds good till today !

6th std saw one of my first "best friends" and her name was Sunaina. We had a lot of interests in common..novels, acting and comics. We both were the class leaders ( I have no clue why..maybe we made the most racket) and quickly discovered a very good way of keeping everyone quiet...enacting skits ! We used to put up suppandi skits fromTinkle. Anyway, next year we're split into different sections and then things changed. For one, our interests changed I suppose. Have to ask Sunaina one of these days. Anyway getting back to story, we had some secret club called Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew club where all of us would be the characters in the novel. I have no clue as to what we were doing. And as far as I know, the club was not a secret either.Its one of those idiotic things you do as a kid ! We even had secret codes and used to write each other letters in it (don't ask me the content...no clue !). Anyway, we had some big fight and did not speak to each other for maybe a year after that. Ofcourse we patched up and are very good friends even now. She is happily married woman in NJ.

When one friend leaves, others come into the picture. A whole gang came into my life. We were a fun bunch and one of these days I should write about all the mischief that we used to do. Come to think of it...all I ever did in school was masti and play pranks on others. Anyways this is where Archana, Prasanna, Kavitha, Subha,Tina and Mani came into the picture (see pic above). And boy did we have fun ! Subha was the class leader in 8th std and ofcourse that meant she could not punish us. But she dint have to cos all other teachers would come down on us and punish the whole class for making too much noise. hehehe. I still remember getting punished almost everyday. One of the days, Archana, Tina and I got kicked out of class for something. We were more than happy to leave and had fun walking all around school.

Now everyone has drifted apart; but Archu and Prasanna are still my best buddies !
After that I had many friends but none came close to my 2 best friends in school. :-)

Next year, the whole gang was split again (thanks to all the teachers complaining); Archu left to Karur and we used to keep in touch with letters every week. Then after 10th std, I moved to Bangalore. This was both good and bad. Good because it gave me a chance to restrospect as to who I was and wat I wanted; bad cos I realised that I was goofy and not too many have the same wavelenght !

Engg in MSRIT brought a lot of changes in my life. For one, I met my future husband, Vikram, in my class :-) He is my best friend too ! I will write about how we met and all that some other day. Anyways, another very good of mine in engg was Sushma.

Then ofcourse I came to US to study (that was the original intension) , I discovered quiet a few surprises about myself that I din't know earlier ! My roomates, Manu, Suchi and Ekta, became very close friends. Its true that only when you live with a person, you would come to know so much more about the person ! Anyways I made some really nice friends here like Bharath, Raghu, Jai and Karuna.

I have a lot of good friends now but I find that with each passing year, it only gets harder to make atleast one good friend. Is this a common phenomenon ?

Any comments ?

Freedom....wat is it ?

The word ' Marriage' triggers different emotions in different people. Among other things, the most common notion observed everywhere is the 'loss of freedom for a man'. It is always portrayed that the guy has everything to lose after marriage ( Ref as example my previous post). The man loses the 'freedom' that he enjoyed in his bachelor days. The man can no longer enjoy the things he liked to do; like look at other women, have booze parties, come home late...ofcourse this is only in theory as he can still continue to do whatever he feels like on the sly.

But what about the woman ? She is always shown as the one who everything to gain from marriage....but does she ? Earlier, the women were housewifes, all they had to do was to manage the home and family. The women did not have much freedom , most of the decisions were made by the husband (in theory ofcourse ;-) ). The equations have changed now, the woman has to manage a career,home and family. Marriage comes with extra baggage for her too ! And things like cooking, laundry, cleaning, phew ! And ofcourse she has to be perfect wife and not nag her husband to help her with any chores. Add kids to this picture and you see chaos all over.

So, I frankly don't see what guys are complaining about ! I think they end up with a better deal than women ! And about the so called 'loss of freedom'...well, the girl loses it too. Not all men
can be understanding if their wife tells them that she needs to get sloshed in a bar with her girl friends while hitting on other men !

Freedom is something relative. Freedom for me could be something as simple as picking a movie I would like to watch while for others it could be not picking the movie. Women of today are a lot more independent then their predecessors. They enjoy more freedom too. Hence that is something that they can lose after marriage too !

I have always been very independent and coming to the US has only made this even more intense. I am no longer answerable to anyone and do things as I please. There is no mom or dad to tell me that its time to sleep, eat or watever. No one to ask ' where are u', ' with whom are u' ... so on and so forth. This is freedom for me and I know this may not last after I get married. The husband can be a nag too ! I hope Vikram and I come to an understanding when it comes to such topics.

I guess the important thing is trust each other and be more understanding. A little love and romance might make the ride more interesting. I would like end with this thought

Love is like pi — natural, irrational, and VERY important.

Definitions of Marriage ?

"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle." --Sam Levenson

"For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked." --Bill Cosby

"Marriage -- as its veterans know well -- is the continuous process of getting used to things you hadn't expected." --Tom Mullen

"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married." --Katherine Hepburn

"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him." --Cher

"Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry." --Tom Mullen

"When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions. They are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part." --George Bernard Shaw

From Lee Daniel Quinn's book, Quinn's Devious Dictionary:

MARRIAGE, n.
[1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of history;
[2] a word that should be pronounced as "mirage";
[3] an event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;
[4] a very good way to promote civilization - if you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher {Socrates};
[5] a process much like a cafeteria - you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best - and pay later;
[6] an event which is called "tying the knot" - unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;
[7] a word which always means commitment - but so does insanity;
[8] a ceremony favored in England - it's the only way to beat their cold winters and lack of central heating;
[9] something that changes the demeanor of a driver - there is no longer any effort needed to keep both hands on the wheel;
[10] the only permanent cure for love;
[11] is only compatible when the man makes a living and his wife makes living worthwhile;
[12] the only adventure open to the cowardly;
[13] something which is called a feast - unfortunately, sometimes the appetizer is better than the main course;
[14] a group which consists of: a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two;
[15] the alliance of two people, one who never remembers birthdays, and the other who never forgets them;
[16] the process that turns a female from an attraction into a distraction;
[17] a legal custom which turns a man into the captive audience of his wife;
[18] that ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics;
[19] a rite where two people, under the influence most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting condition until death do them part;
[20] occurs where a man gets hooked by his own line;
[21] in America, is the only legal method of suppressing freedom of speech;
[22] is made out of two toothbrushes but a single tube of toothpaste;
[23] is just a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering;
[24] the process of finding out the kind of guy your wife would have preferred;
[25] a condition where no wife gets what she expected, and no husband expected what he was getting;
[26] the ceremony which provides a man with something that, sooner or later, he will find he can't blame on the government;
[27] a tradition which would suffer considerably if men had to pay the minister the same fee they will eventually have to pay the divorce lawyer;
[28] is much like a pair of shears, so joined so the parts cannot be separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who tries to come between them;
[29] the continuous process of getting used to things you never expected;
[30] a status which depends upon two to be successful but only one to turn into a failure;
[31] is a book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the rest of the pages is prose;
[32] a bargain, and a sensible person understands that someone must get the better of any bargain;
[33] in Japanese is called "Judo" - the art of conquering by yielding. This is the western equivalent of "Yes, dear";
[34] a confrontation which always demands the greatest understanding of the subtle art of insincerity possible between two human beings;
[35] is not a word, but a sentence;
[36] a delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy;
[37] an investment that pays big dividends if you manage to keep up the interest.

My origin........ 

Countdown....4 months left

As the D-day is getting closer, my nerves are jittery. My moods seem to be like a roller-coaster;I am very excited sometimes and feel very depressed other times !
Is this normal ? Then again, I have never been normal;
so the question is kinda redundant.


Last month, I went through a phase of " Its too early to get Married".
Now I am looking forward to it :) . I should try convincing Vikram to write his blog as well.


I am bored to call home as the wedding seems to be the only topic my mom is interested in. I think she has been planning for this ever since I was born ! I am amazed at her enthusiasm; Right now, wedding cards are the topic. I finally relented to her demands to get involved in the process. All I had to do was hunt for wedding cards on google and give her my opinion. Simpler than I thought :)

Mom's great anxiety now is the length of my hair and its colour ! I have always had short hair and apparently thats not a good thing for an Indian bride...so now I am forced to keep it longer. Funny how it seems to have a mind of its own and does not grow when you want it to !! As I like to change the colour of my hair ( despite threats from mom), I am in an ackward situation. It was red till last month and now I am toning it down to browns hehehe. Sometimes, I think I should make it blonde just before I goto India....hahaha that would be a sight.

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.