Well I could write a novel about this topic which is always great to debate on. It was triggered by Rahul yesterday evening. He asked Karuna and me about what girls expect from a guy or rather what would impress a girl a general. Then later on the night, I had a long discussion with my roomies and Karuna; general girl talk and we all came to the same conclusion: men and women have different expectations from a relationship.
First I need to define what I mean by a relationship here; having a bf/gf is one thing while life long commitment i.e., marriage is different. Its ironic how a man's expectation from the woman would change drastically depending on this. When he is looking for a gf, he is just looking to have fun and have a good time. When it comes to marriage, most expect a Sati-Savitri ! I am not saying that all men are like this, but most are quite hypocritical ! Something even more ironic is the fact that most of the so called Sati-Savitri types are the most dangerous type of girls, cos they look innocent but are very different in character.
What do guys look for in a girl ? I think its looks, looks and looks ! And most people are obsessed with skin colour; what is the deal with fair skin ? The girl might be ugly, fat or have absolutely no features; yet as long as she is fair, she is considered ideal ! A fair and good looking bride is considered a great catch. What about her intelligence ? What about her character ? Does it matter if you are just not able to relate to each other ? How much importance is given to that ? What is the extent to which a guy is willing to compromise if the girl is good-looking ? This is something that always bothers me. It is the greatest disadvantage of an arranged marriage; because just talking to the person a few months would not reveal much. Looks would fade out in a few years and then the most important factor in any relationship would be character and interests.
What do girls look for in a guy ? Well there are many answers to this question. Personally, his character and personality would be the most important factor for me. I need someone with whom I can converse and not just talk ! Looks do matter for girls but they are not as obsessed with it the way guys are. Most girls would be happy with a decent looking guy; height would matter too. Another factor is financial security. Whe
n it comes to marriage, I would say girls are definitely more practical. They seem to looking at companionship and a good future.
Where does love fit in amidst all this ? I would say that it is very easy to fall in love; its being in love that's harder. I think time is a good test. If feelings do not change with time and distance, then it is probably something worth treasuring ! Being open-minded and frank would lessen a lot of misunderstandings. And ofcourse trust is very important too.
It seems that everyone around me is either married, getting married, looking to marry or are in a serious relationship. I think we all need to introspect about what we expect and what we are getting....Do they match ? How much can you compromise ? Is it worth all the trouble ?
My views are pretty biased; I would love to hear what others feel about this !
First I need to define what I mean by a relationship here; having a bf/gf is one thing while life long commitment i.e., marriage is different. Its ironic how a man's expectation from the woman would change drastically depending on this. When he is looking for a gf, he is just looking to have fun and have a good time. When it comes to marriage, most expect a Sati-Savitri ! I am not saying that all men are like this, but most are quite hypocritical ! Something even more ironic is the fact that most of the so called Sati-Savitri types are the most dangerous type of girls, cos they look innocent but are very different in character.
What do guys look for in a girl ? I think its looks, looks and looks ! And most people are obsessed with skin colour; what is the deal with fair skin ? The girl might be ugly, fat or have absolutely no features; yet as long as she is fair, she is considered ideal ! A fair and good looking bride is considered a great catch. What about her intelligence ? What about her character ? Does it matter if you are just not able to relate to each other ? How much importance is given to that ? What is the extent to which a guy is willing to compromise if the girl is good-looking ? This is something that always bothers me. It is the greatest disadvantage of an arranged marriage; because just talking to the person a few months would not reveal much. Looks would fade out in a few years and then the most important factor in any relationship would be character and interests.
What do girls look for in a guy ? Well there are many answers to this question. Personally, his character and personality would be the most important factor for me. I need someone with whom I can converse and not just talk ! Looks do matter for girls but they are not as obsessed with it the way guys are. Most girls would be happy with a decent looking guy; height would matter too. Another factor is financial security. Whe
n it comes to marriage, I would say girls are definitely more practical. They seem to looking at companionship and a good future.Where does love fit in amidst all this ? I would say that it is very easy to fall in love; its being in love that's harder. I think time is a good test. If feelings do not change with time and distance, then it is probably something worth treasuring ! Being open-minded and frank would lessen a lot of misunderstandings. And ofcourse trust is very important too.
It seems that everyone around me is either married, getting married, looking to marry or are in a serious relationship. I think we all need to introspect about what we expect and what we are getting....Do they match ? How much can you compromise ? Is it worth all the trouble ?
My views are pretty biased; I would love to hear what others feel about this !
8 comments:
u seem to be taking things radomly as if outta a buffet...:-)
Are u sticking with Arranged marriage kinda thingie or r u goin for a relationship fall in love get married kinda stuff...!
Agreed fair skin is kinda a kick for most ppl..
But this is true only for arranged marraige stuff..
All other things u said are quite true and happens when it comes to a relationship - as in getting to knw, character, personality etc..
But to keep it logical..fair skin is jus one aspect tht guys are obsessed with as 'height' is with girls..
I cud get brick bats frm quite a few girls..but then wutz it with 'tdh' crap thts dished out..
If u ppl can be so obsessed with height..im sure u can give as much leeway to guys tht want a fair skinned girl..dont u think so?
In any case, each has his own set of benchmarks tht wants his/her partner to measure upto, nothing wrong in that..:-)
As long as u r happy with ur choice, the matter ends there..
thts the serious thinking for me the day..:-) back to goofing up..
now post a lighter topic, please;-)
Whaaaw thats a long comment !!
Well ginkgo, I would surely go for a love marriage thingy than arranged; I am more comfortable getting married to a guy that I know (including his past).
Girls are not really gung-ho about height; I think most atleast want the guy to be taller than them...thats all !
The post turned out to be more serious than expected; hehehhe
"Looks do matter for girls but they are not as obsessed with it the way guys are" - love that comment coming from a girl while reality is otherwise: "The girl's father looks for education and character in the boy, the girl's mother looks at his financial status and the girl looks at his (what else?) looks" - Sanskrit Proverb. You sure you are speaking on behalf of all your ilk?
:-)
I agree with Shilpa. Somehow for most guys, looks are the #1 criterion when it comes to selecting their future partner. For girls too looks play a role - but most girls think that personality is THE important thing that will decide whether the answer is a "YES" or "NO". I guess girls can better understand that an attractive cover is not all that there is to a book.
All the observations are made in general...there will always be exceptions !
Guys seem to give MORE importance to looks than other things like personality. I am not saying that girls do not care about looks, they do, but would take other things into consideration too !
And abt the comment made by Thennavan, the proverb holds good only for arranged marriage...right ? If the parents have considered all other aspects, the girl has nothing to do except choose on the basis of looks. So, she decides based on that...
But if the girl is making the decision by herself; then she is surely NOT going to just keep looks as the most factor.
I think what you say holds for most of the janta but it may vary individually from person to person also. In fact, I think since people dont have a prior experience about marriage/relationship before they actually get into it, most of the times its guess work and they do not really _know_ what they are into until they get into it. And only after that they begin to realise the difference between what they thought they want and what they really want. This is much unlike education/career which we generally have been thinking about for years before we get to choose one. Of course, there are those who realise the importance early and are careful while making these decisions.
I wouldnt necessarily agree on the "what guys look for in girls" part.. I would pretty much second Rahul on his comments. When it comes to a long term realtionship most guys (not all..most of us) would look for character and other things rather than beauty.. of course there also the fact that we saying ok to the beautiful girl is not enough she has to say the ok too.!!!!
Well, I made my comments in GENERAL...ofcourse there are exceptions ! But thats still a minority....people are changing...but its still a minority...
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